The Scripted Dead
by Heavenly Azure
Summary: This is a humorous story intended to poke fun at the show and at some of the common themes in Fanfiction. It isn't meant to be directed at any one person or to be hurtful in any way. It's just supposed to be fun!
1. SCENE 1

_SCENE 1_

**Author's Note: **Hello, everybody. First of all, I'm sorry that this story was taken down. It wasn't my decision. A reader/reviewer who was angry about my response to her review reported the story. Apparently, stories can't be written in script form. So obviously, I had to tweak the story so that it isn't in script form. Second of all, everyone should read the full story synopsis on my profile before getting hurt feelings. This story is meant to be fun. It isn't meant to be hurtful to anyone. I had a DarylxOC story, and I'm sure my OC falls victim to some of the traits that I poke fun at in this story. Lastly, the dialogue in italics is the narrator (named Tom).

Enjoy.

0o0o0

"_A man is seen traversing through the woods. His name is Daryl. He is armed with a crossbow and two guns. He will always wear sleeveless shirts to show off his two guns. If he is ever seen wearing a shirt with sleeves, the sleeves will be gone before the end of the scene. Back to Daryl…"_

"It's a beautiful day out here in the woods. The sun is shining, the birds are singing…"

Daryl takes aim with his crossbow. He shoots down the aforementioned singing birds. He gathers them up, tying them onto his belt loops.

"Most people think that you have to spend a fortune to make a nice meal. With just these birds, and a few ingredients you probably have in your kitchen pantry, I'll show you how to make a meal that is not only delicious, but cheap too. Back to you."

"_Thanks, Daryl. I know we're all looking forward to that segment. Meanwhile, a young woman is seen running through the woods towards Daryl."_

"Halt, who goes there?" Daryl asks, aiming his crossbow at the young woman.

"What?" The young woman asks.

"Who goes there?"

"I go there." The young woman answers.

"Where?" Daryl asks.

"What?"

"Where do you go?"

"When I want to eat good food for a good price, I go to McDonald's. Try their new onion cheddar burger, only a dollar." The young woman answers with a sudden smile.

"Well, if you stick around, I'll show you how to make a cheap and delicious meal at home-"

"Please help me." The young woman pleads, her smile disappearing.

"Normally, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about helping anyone other than myself, but since you're the original character created just for me-"

"Original character?" The young woman asks.

"Weren't you at the table reading?" Daryl asks, finally lowering his crossbow.

"No." The young woman answers sheepishly.

"Okay. Tom, would you mind?" Daryl asks.

"_Not at all, Daryl. Brooke, an original character-"_

"Your name is Brooke?" Daryl asks, taking a step towards the young woman.

"Yes, and your name is Daryl?"

"Yeah." Daryl offers his hand to Brooke. "Daryl Dixon."

"What great alliteration." Brooke smiles, shaking Daryl's hand.

"Thanks, it was-"

"_Ahem."_

"Sorry, Tom. The floor is yours." Daryl says, letting go of Brooke's hand.

"_Brooke, an original character is a character that is not part of the original cast of characters in a book, TV show, movie, etc."_

"So…I'm not part of the original cast?" Brooke asks.

"_No. You were written into the story specifically as a love interest for Daryl."_

"Okay. I think I understand now." Brooke replies, nodding her head.

"I think there's still some more ground to cover. Tom, why don't you explain the differences between Girl A and Girl B?" Daryl asks, leaning back against a tree.

"Girl A and Girl B?" Brooke asks.

"_Girl A and Girl B are the two different types of original female characters written into this show. Girl A is sassy and strong. She either has massive amounts of hunting experience or she held a job that gave her combat training and/or survival skills. She has a smart mouth that gets her into trouble, trouble that Daryl is usually forced to get her out of."_

"Sorry." Brooke says to Daryl.

"I'm used to it." Daryl shrugs.

"_Girl A has one fatal flaw."_

"What?" Brooke asks.

"_For some reason, after Girl A joins the group, she forgets all of her hunting, combat, and survival skills. She makes an effort to help out, but she usually ends up flailing around and requiring rescuing-"_

"Which falls on your shoulders?" Brooke asks, pointing to Daryl.

"You're catching on fast." Daryl replies with a nod.

"_Girl B is an emotional wreck. She has usually been through one or several traumatic experiences ranging from rape to being forced to watch Tyler Perry's movies. She is prone to breakdowns and meltdowns."_

"What's the difference?" Brooke asks.

"There really isn't one. Either way, I end up comforting her." Daryl answers.

"So…am I Girl A or Girl B?" Brooke asks.

"_Brooke is Girl B. She can be described as having the body of a porn star, the face of an angel, and a heart of gold. Speaking of porn star, Daryl…?"_

"I'm on it." Daryl replies, walking towards Brooke.

"What?" Brooke asks.

"Your clothes are all wrong."

Daryl rips the sleeves off of Brooke's T-shirt.

"You have to flaunt what you have." Daryl says, taking out his knife.

Daryl cuts the neckline of Brooke's T-shirt to reveal her porn star breasts.

"That'll do for now." Daryl says, putting his knife away.

"Thanks…?" Brooke says, examining her destroyed shirt.

"No problem. You also need to take your hair down." Daryl says, motioning to her hair.

"Why? It's a zombie apocalypse. It's more practical to wear your hair short or up-"

"Tom?" Daryl asks, folding his arms over his chest.

_"Brooke, this isn't about you being practical."_

"It's not?" Brooke asks.

_"It's about you being sexy. We need the audience to want to fuck you. Who wants to fuck you when your body is completely covered and your hair is in that stupid ponytail?"_

"Okay." Brooke says, slowly pulling the hair tie out.

_"Shake it out."_

Brooke shakes out her blonde hair.

_"More."_

Brooke begins to thrash her head around, her hair flying all over the place.

_"Oh God…more."_

Brooke slowly crawls on top of the hood of the red Corvette that has appeared. She whips her hair around in circles, rubbing her hands over herself and the car.

_"Oh God…yes. Yes."_

"Um, Tom?" Daryl asks, looking up at the sky.

Brooke climbs down off of the Corvette.

_"Sorry…where were we?"_

"I think I'll take it from here." Daryl says, shaking his head.

_"That sounds like a good idea. I have to…go…do something…"_

"I remember at the table reading that you were raped by thirteen men, shot, stabbed, and ultimately set on fire. During the attack, the men played Tyler Perry movies in the background."

"So…I'm Girl B?" Brooke asks.

"Yeah." Daryl answers.

Brooke begins to cry. Daryl comforts Brooke before he leads her in the direction of camp.


	2. SCENE 2

_SCENE 2_

_"I feel so much better after…well…anyways, there is a campsite set up on the outskirts of downtown Atlanta. Though they are supposed to be working together to survive, they mostly just mill around camp, cause drama, and gossip."_

"Carl! Carl! Where is my son?! Carl!" Lori screams frantically, running around her tent in circles.

"Mom, I'm right here." Carl answers from the front of the tent.

"Sorry, honey. I didn't see you there."

Lori notices Shane suddenly. He has lifted his tight T-shirt to reveal his ripped bod. He strokes his six pack sensually, licking his lips as he makes eye contact with Lori.

"Carl, why don't you run along? Take a knife, a gun…I don't care. Just get lost, but don't get lost. Do you understand me?" Lori asks without taking her eyes off Shane.

"No." Carl replies.

"Just go." Lori says, shoving her son towards the woods.

Lori watches as Shane pours a bottle of water over his head. He shakes his hair out under the flowing water. He runs his hands over his drenched abs.

"Oh God. Had I known what I know now, I would have murdered Rick myself years ago."

"Hey, baby, let's take a 'walk' in the woods." Shane says, approaching Lori.

"I can't I'm ovulating." Lori replies.

"I don't know what that means, but what's the worst that could happen? You get pregnant and die during delivery? Come on, Lori. The next thing you know, a zombie virus will spread globally and wipe out most of the world's population." Shane says, rolling his eyes.

"You're right. Nothing bad could ever happen to me. I have a sexy man and my son…Carl! Carl! Where is my son?! Carl!" Lori begins screaming.

"Don't worry, baby, you sent him into the woods." Shane says, grabbing a handful of Lori's ass.

"Sent who into the woods? I thought we were going into the woods for a 'walk'."

"You bet your sweet ass we are." Shane replied.

_"Just as Shane and Lori head towards the woods to get down and dirty in the…dirt…Daryl returns to camp with Brooke."_

"Everybody, this is Brooke." Daryl says. "Brooke, this is everybody."

"Hi, Brooke." Everyone replies in unison.

"I have to get back to hunting. I'll be back later." Daryl says to Brooke.

Daryl leaves camp.

"My name is Lori. Since I have the highest salary out of the rest of the women here, I'd like to present you with a welcoming gift basket." Lori says, handing Brooke a gift basket.

"Thanks…" Brooke says, accepting the basket.

"These other women with fewer lines than me are Carol, Amy, and Jacqui."

"Hi." Brooke says.

"The most important thing for you to know is that you need to learn your place. You are not to use a gun. If you even so much as glance at a gun before the second season, we'll be forced to label you…a Mary-Sue."

Carol, Amy, and Jacqui gasp in unison.

"Women in this camp cook, clean, take care of the kids…Carl! Carl! Where is my son?! Carl!" Lori screams, running off into the woods.

"Is she always like that?" Brooke asks, setting her gift basket down.

"Child, Carl is lucky if Lori even notices he's missing." Jacqui replies.

"We were just heading to the quarry to wash clothes. After you get acquainted with the men, meet us there." Amy says.

"Okay." Brooke replies.

Carol, Amy, and Jacqui head to the quarry to do laundry. As they leave, Shane, Jim, and T-Dog approach Brooke to introduce themselves.

"Are you Girl A or Girl B?" Shane asks.

"Girl B." Brooke replies.

"Hot damn!" Shane shouts excitedly.

Jim and T-Dog each hand Shane several bills.

"Thank God." Shane says, counting his money.

"Why?" Brooke asks.

"If you were Girl A, you and I would butt heads. I would definitely assault you at some point, which would lead to an altercation between Daryl and I." Shane answers.

"Oh no." Brooke says.

"Since you're Girl B, I get to shamelessly flirt with you. It's a good thing too. I can tell that you have the body of a porn star and the face of…a Greek goddess?" Shane asks.

"Oooh. Sorry. We were looking for angel." Brooke replies.

"Damn." Shane says.

"Thanks for playing. We have some nice parting gifts for you." Brooke replies, handing Shane several gift certificates.

"You win some, you lose some." Shane replies.

"My name is T-Dog." T-Dog says, immediately turning to walk away.

"Wait…that's it?" Brooke asks.

"I'm the token black man. I only get a few lines per-"

"You are dangerously close to surpassing your word quota." Shane warns.

T-Dog walks away.

"I'm Jim. I'm kind of creepy, but in the end, I redeem myself." Jim says.

"Good for you, Jim." Brooke replies.

"If you need me, I'll be tinkering constantly with the RV. Dale and I-"

"Dale? Who's Dale?" Brooke asks.

"Dale owns the RV. He's shameless. He's constantly dishing out advice and put his morals and values on all of us, but he has a threesome with Andrea and Amy every night." Jim answers.

The RV door opened suddenly. Dale popped his head out.

"Did somebody say threesome?" Dale asks.

Shane and Jim look at Dale with smiles on their faces, their hands on their hips.

"Daaaaaale." They say in unison.

The RV door shuts.

"Who are those people over there?" Brooke asks, pointing to several people sitting together.

"Don't worry about them, melon tits. Those people will either die or leave our group soon." Shane answers.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'd better go to the quarry." Brooke says.

"Watch out for Ed." Shane warns.

Brooke heads for the quarry, wondering who Ed is along the way.


	3. SCENE 3

_SCENE 3_

"_As the ladies return from laundry at the quarry, a car horn is heard in the distance…"_

"There's a car coming right for our camp." Dale says from the RV roof.

"Really? There is?" Shane asks sarcastically.

Dale sniffs the air suddenly.

"You smell of sex."

"You would know right?" Shane asks.

The car finally pulls into camp. Glenn quickly pops the trunk so that Shane can shut the horn off.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you come up into camp with that horn blaring?" Shane asks.

"How else are the walkers supposed to show up here tomorrow night for the climactic scene?" Glenn asks.

"Couldn't you have just given them directions or something?" Shane asks.

"I tried. None of them had paper or pens."

"Whatever."

"Who's the porn star?" Glenn asks.

"That's Brooke." Shane says.

"Hi, I'm Brooke. I'm Girl B." Brooke says, approaching Shane and Glenn.

"Good to know. I'm Glenn. I'm a total fan favorite." Glenn says.

"Congratulations! Your family must be really proud." Brooke says.

"Not really. They're all dead."

"Oh…"

"The rest of the group is coming. We brought a new guy with us." Glenn says.

"Is he Guy A or Guy B?" Brooke asks.

"What the hell is wrong with you, cantaloupe tits? There is no Guy A or Guy B." Shane says.

"Sorry." Brooke apologizes.

"The next time a dumb thing like that comes out of your mouth, I'm going to put my dick in it." Shane says.

"Whoa. That was a little much." Glenn says.

Brooke begins to cry.

"What's wrong, Brooke?"

"It's just that…some guy used to put his dick in my mouth…"

"Those guys that raped you?" Glenn asks.

"No. My dad." Brooke replies.

"Wow. You really are Girl B." Glenn says, turning towards Shane. "Shane! Stop jerking off!"

Shane, who had been jerking off inside of his pants, removes his hand from his pants. He throws his arms out.

"What? All this talk of dicks in mouths was just really turning me on. Speaking of which…" Shane turns towards camp. "Lori, your husband is alive! He's here!"

As Rick is reunited with his family, Shane watches, and jerks off.


	4. SCENE 4

_SCENE 4_

_"Night has fallen. The group sits around the fire for dinner."_

"You ladies all look really nice. I don't get it. How do you do it?" Brooke asks.

"Carlos." Lori replies.

"Who's Carlos?"

"He's our hair stylist and makeup artist."

"What?" Brooke asks.

"He's right over there. Hey, Carlos!" Lori says, waving.

_ "Carlos, a flamboyant Hispanic man, stands on the outskirts of camp. He is equipped with a vanity, mirror, and an array of beauty products."_

"Hey there, Lori! How are you liking that new mascara?" Carlos asks.

"I just love it, Carlos. Thank you." Lori says.

"You better have a seat in his chair soon, honeydew tits. You're looking a little rough." Shane says.

Everyone around the fire, except Brooke, laughs.

"Andrea, you never did introduce yourself to me." Brooke says, trying to change the subject.

"My name is Andrea. I am a complete and total bitch. I will literally rip your head off for no reason at all, especially if you try to look out for me. Don't do that. I can look out for myself. I'm also an amazing shot. In fact, I'm the best shot in this camp…no! The world." Andrea replies.

"Um…okay."

"I also only fuck crazy people." Andrea adds.

Shane clutches his chest.

"What is it, Shane?" Rick asks.

"I feel like somehow I've just been insulted…" Shane replies.

"Rick, your wife and best friend were having sex while you were presumed dead." Dale says.

"What?" Rick asks.

"Pass the squirrel."

"I think I'll go bathe at the quarry." Brooke says, getting up.

As Brooke walks away from the group, Shane looks her up and down.

"Should we be worried?" Shane asks.

"No. Daryl isn't here. Brooke will only get into trouble if he's here to save her." Amy replies.

"Even if she does get into trouble, Daryl will show up at the last second to save her." Andrea says.

"Either way, she'll be fine."

"I miss fried chicken." T-Dog says.

"_Nobody seems to care that T-Dog misses fried chicken."_


	5. SCENE 5

_SCENE 5_

**Author's Note: **Hello, everyone. It seems that we have a turd in the punch bowl here on, Fanfiction. Her name is **iCherokeeAngel**. For those of you who don't know, I posted this story at the beginning of the week. **iCherokeeAngel** didn't think my story was funny. She found it offensive. She left me a review telling me so. I responded to her review publicly in an Author's Note. Due to my response, **iCherokeeAngel** reported my story so that it would be taken down. It was taken down. I changed my story so that it wasn't in script form. I started posting it again today. Though I blocked **iCherokeeAngel**, she can still leave anonymous reviews. She left one today. I have since deleted it. It simply said that my story sucks and that she is reporting it again. I have filed a complaint against her for her retaliation. So, if my story gets taken down, it isn't because I took it down. It's because **iCherokeeAngel** had it taken down. I just wanted everyone to know.

Enjoy.

0o0o0

"_Andrea, Amy, Jacqui, Carol, and Brooke all do laundry at the quarry the next day. Ed leers. Shane and Carl are catching frogs nearby…"_

"I miss my vibrator." Andrea says suddenly.

"I miss my anal beads." Amy says.

"Child, I miss my coffee maker. It had a dual drip filter and a built in grinder…and it was my vibrator." Jacqui says.

"I miss my washing machine and dryer." Carol says.

"Why?" Andrea asks.

"Have you ever used your vibrator while sitting on a dryer?"

Brooke begins to cry.

"Child, what's wrong?" Jacqui asks.

"I used to have a vibrator." Brooke says.

Ed approaches the women.

"What are you bitches talking about?" Ed asks.

"Just swapping vibrator tips, Ed?" Andrea replies.

"I'm not paying you to talk about vibrators." Ed says.

"You're not paying me at all."

"Get back to work."

Andrea drops the clothes she is washing. She turns towards Ed.

"Ed, suck my dick." Andrea says.

"What did you just say to me?" Ed asks.

"Ed, let's just go back to camp." Carol says.

Ed grabs Carol.

"Get your hands off of her you fucking piece of shit asshole motherfucker-"

"Child, what was that?" Jacqui asks.

"I'm sorry. Was that wrong?" Brooke asks.

"Yeah. You're Girl B. Not Girl A." Amy says.

"I don't understand." Brooke says.

"Girl A is the one who stands up to Ed at the quarry. She screams at him and calls him names. She might even hit him or shove him. Girl B is just supposed to help Carol after the whole incident. Either that or have a breakdown or meltdown. It's your choice." Andrea says.

"Okay. Sorry about that."

Ed yanks Carol away from the women. When Carol resists, Ed smacks her. There is a scuffle. Shane runs over and beats the piss out of Ed.

"My dad used to beat me up like that." Brooke says.

"Child, this moment isn't about you. It's about Carol." Jacqui says.

"Yeah. If you go around stealing everyone's thunder during every scene, we're all going to hate you." Amy says.

"Yeah well, you die tonight." Brooke says.

"What?" Amy asks.

"Nothing." Brooke says.

The ladies continue washing the clothes.

"Did anybody else notice when Andrea said she had a dick?" Brooke asks.

"I was trying not to think about it." Amy replies.

Lori suddenly runs up.

"Has anyone seen Carl?" Lori asks.


	6. SCENE 6

_SCENE 6_

**Guest: **I'm glad that you found my story to be humorous.

**Jamison: **It was flattering for you to say that my story made your day. Thank you. I also read a lot of Fanfiction, and I love most of the stories I read. As I've said before, I know that my OCs can sometimes fall victim to both Girl A and Girl B traits. It happens!

Also, thank you to all of the support I've gotten regarding the whole situation with she who shall not be named. I appreciate your PMs and your kind words.

Enjoy.

0o0o0

"_The group has dinner around the fire. Again. They're having fish. Again. How boring. I'm going to go and watch porn or something…"_

"Someone smells of sex." Dale says, sniffing the air.

"That's just the fish." Shane replies.

"That reminds me…Amy, did you wash the sheets?"

"Yeah." Amy answers.

"Hey, coconut tits, when are you going to sing for us?" Shane asks.

"What?" Brooke asks.

"When are you going to sing for us?" Shane asks. "Girl B always has some kind of talent that she shares with the group. She either sings, draws, reads aloud to everyone, makes sculptures out of her own-"

"Okay. I get it. Actually, I can't sing."

"That's okay. Girl B always sings something relevant to her life or something hip. I don't know if I could take it right now."

Amy gets up from the fire.

"Where are you going?" Andrea asks.

"I have to pee." Amy replies.

"I should come with you." Dale says.

"That's okay. I'll be right back."

The group carries on eating while Amy goes to the bathroom. On her way back, she is bitten by a walker. Suddenly, the campsite is overrun.

_"Holy shit! What happened?! I go to jerk off for five second and walkers show up!"_

"What do I do? What do I do?" Brooke asks.

"All women are required to cling to a man and scream." Lori replies, clinging to Shane.

"A little lower, baby." Shane says, moving her hand down his pants.

Brooke grabs onto the first man she comes into contact with: Dale.

"This might not be the time, but with Amy bitten, I'm going to need a new girl for my threesome-"

_ "Just as it appears that the group will be overcome by the walkers, the group of men that went into the city to search for Merle returns…holy shit…is that a white horse? Yeah. Daryl Dixon is riding a white horse."_

"Daryl!" Brooke screams.

"Jump on!" Daryl yells, reaching out to Brooke.

Brooke accepts Daryl's hand and climbs onto the white horse.

Soon, the walkers have fallen. Daryl and Brooke dismount the horse, and it rides off into the night, never to be heard from again.

"You saved me." Brooke says.

"Of course I did. It's part of my contract." Daryl replies.

"I guess it wasn't too late for you and your white horse to come around." Brooke replies with a smile.

Daryl stares blankly down at her.

"Sorry." Brooke says, her smile fading.

"Amy!" Andrea cries over her sister's dead body. "Amy!"

"Oh no…" Brooke says.

"Carl! Carl! Where is Carl?! Carl!" Lori screams, running through camp.

"Amy! Amy! Amy!"

"Carl! Carl! Where is Carl?! Carl!"

"Amy!"

"Carl!"

"This is getting obnoxious." Brooke says.

"You're telling me." Daryl replies.

"Amy!" Andrea cries.

"Daryl-"

"I'm on it." Daryl says.

Daryl approaches Andrea and Amy. He shoots Amy in the head.

"Thank God." Brooke says.

"Carl! Carl! Where is my son?! Carl!" Lori screams.

"For the love of all that is holy, does anyone know where Carl is?!" Brooke yells.

"Oh my god." Lori says.

"What?" Brooke asks.

"Forget my son…we've suffered a greater loss…"

"Who?" Brooke asks.

"Carlos! The walkers got Carlos!" Lori cries, hovering over the dead Hispanic man with fabulous hair.

"_The men begin to cry. Not because of the many casualties they have suffered, but because now, their women will actually look like they are surviving through a zombie apocalypse."_


	7. SCENE 7

_SCENE 7_

_ "The group disposes of the bodies from the night before…"_

"Grapefruit tits, it's about that time." Shane says.

"About what time?" Brooke asks.

"About that time we all tell you what a bad guy Daryl is." Lori says.

"What?"

"All of us are concerned about your obvious attachment to Daryl." Shane says.

"Is this really an appropriate time?" Brooke asks.

"Why not now?" Shane asks.

_"Shane, who had been carrying the body of beloved Carlos, drops him on the ground."_

"Daryl is a bad guy." Lori says.

"He's hot headed, rude, and doesn't think things through before he does them."

_"Everyone turns to look at Shane."_

"What?" Shane asks.

"You just described yourself." Glenn says.

"Carol, what do you have to say about this?" Brooke asks.

"I'm staying out of it for now." Carol says.

"Why?"

"I have a special connection with Daryl later on. One of two things is going to happen between you and I. Either we're going to get along just fine because I realize that my relationship with Daryl is more like mother and son or brother and sister."

"Or?"

"Or you and I are going to have a problem because I want Daryl." Carol says.

"Oh." Brooke says.

_"Sophia walks by Brooke on her way to the quarry."_

"Who the hell was that?" Brooke asks.

"That was my daughter, Sophia." Carol says.

"Why is this the first time I'm seeing her? What is wrong with you people and not watching your kids?"

"Carl! Carl! Where is my son?! Carl!" Lori screams.

_"Lori runs towards the quarry, shoving Sophia to the ground in the process."_

"That's what I'm talking about." Brooke says.

"Lori is a great mother." Rick says.

"Really?"

"You're becoming a little bit too feisty for Girl B." Glenn says.

"Sorry." Brooke says.

"Is anybody going to eat this watermelon I found?" T-Dog asks.

"That's a good one." Shane says.

"What?"

"Like I said, watermelon tits, Daryl is bad news."

"You know I've been standing here this whole time?" Daryl asks.

"Weigh in on this, redneck." Shane says.

"Tom?"

_"Daryl can be described as being a broken man kept under the thumb of his cruel older brother. Daryl's true character development will begin once Merle leaves the main group-"_

"That's good enough, Tom." Daryl says.

"So what, you're a good guy now?" Rick asks.

"Not quite. I'm only a good guy for Brooke right now."

"Why?" Shane asks.

"She's Girl B. I'm required to be her good guy and protector. If she was Girl A, she and I would argue and gripe at each other for at least the rest of this season."

"Oh."

_"A little ways away, Jacqui notices that Jim is bleeding…"_

"Child, did you get bit?" Jacqui asks.

"No." Jim says.

"Let me see."

"You can't tell anyone. Pinky swear." Jim says, holding out his pinky.

_"Jacqui produces a megaphone."_

"ATTENTION! EVERYONE! JIM WAS BITTEN! JIM WAS BITTEN BY A WALKER! HE IS A DEAD MAN WALKING! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! JIM IS A DYING MAN!"

_"While Jim is restrained, everyone notices Dale dragging Amy's body towards the RV."_

"What are you doing, Dale?" Glenn asks.

"I just need to use her one more time." Dale says.

_"Everyone puts their hands on their hips with a smile."_

"Daaaaaale." Everyone says.


	8. SCENE 8

_SCENE 8_

_ "Nothing interesting happened for a while. I'm serious. You don't believe me? Here's a quick recap for you. I'll make an exciting sound when the scenery changes…"_

"Previously on The Walking Dead…" Daryl says, crossbow positioned dramatically over one shoulder, with Brooke slung over the other in a cheerleader uniform.

_"KABLAM!"_

"Carl! Carl! Where is my son?! Carl!" Lori screams, running around camp.

"I told Carl to stay put!" Shane shouts.

"Why are you telling Carl to do anything? He's not your son." Rick says.

"What's THAT supposed to mean, coma-boy?" Shane asks.

"What are you even talking about?"

"You wanna go, Sheriff? You wanna fucking go?!" Shane shouts, ripping off his shirt.

"This is getting hot." Lori says.

_"SHAZAM!"_

"Can I ride with you, Daryl?" Brooke asks, magically dressed in a cheerleader uniform.

"Duh." Daryl says.

"See you at the CDC, pomegranate tits." Shane says, smacking Brooke's ass as he walks by.

"What do you mean…wait…pomegranate tits?" Brooke asks.

"I ran out of melons. Did that sound okay?"

"Not really." Daryl says.

"Shit. Pumpkin tits?"

"That sounds better. What do you think, Brooke?" Daryl asks.

"I give it an 8." Brooke says, holding up a card displaying the number 8.

"Nice." Shane says.

"So, what do you mean you'll see me at the CDC?" Brooke asks.

"I get to sexually assault Daryl's OC at least once during this story. A lot of times, it happens at the CDC." Shane replies.

"I'll catch you this time." Daryl says.

"We'll see about that, redneck! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_"ALAKAZAM!"_

"Jim is dying." Rick says.

"Okay." Everyone says.

_"SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALID OCIOUS!"_

_ "…okay that's pretty much it. Stay tuned. We'll be at the CDC next scene. Will Shane get to sexually assault Brooke? Will Daryl be able to stop the possible assault? Will Lori ever find Carl? Tune in next time for The Scripted Dead!"_


End file.
